In sea of Harley Quinns and weird-looking Jokers, (and probably some imaginative takes on Donald Trump) we thought we would take it upon ourselves to suggest some simple, but obscure and seriously messed up Hallowe’en costumes you could wear. Most of these are a little bit basic and are beyond easy to put together, but my favourite part: every one has a fucked up story or film behind it that you’ll get to tell repeatedly throughout the night!

Eli – Låt den Rätte Komma In (Let the Right One In)

Ever wondered what happens when a vampire comes into your house uninvited? Most just stick with the old story that they simply can’t (or just ignore that rule altogether), but what if they just don’t because it would hurt like hell? Well, Let the Right One In seems to think so, as the child vampire Eli starts bleeding from her eyes and various other orfices from her body when Oskar refuses to extend an invitation to her. All you need is a white top, some fake blood and voila! You’re the seemingly innocent Eli who traps men from childhood into an unyielding lifetime loyalty to her.

Christiane – Les Yeux Sans Visage (Eyes without a Face)

It’s nice to have a reminder that classic films can be even more creepy and terrifying than some of our modern day gore-fests. Eyes without a Face is one such film. After a plastic surgeon’s daughter becomes disfigured following a car accident, he goes to extreme lengths to repair her back to her original beauty.

And by that I mean, he obviously removes the faces off other girls to skin graft onto Christiane’s. Until he has healed her of her disfigurement, he forces her to wear a haunting featureless mask – a little like Phantom of the the Opera, but creepier. Simply wear a dress with a plain mask and you’re set!

Party Attendee – Eyes Wide Shut

Stanley Kubrick’s last film did not disappoint in the head-melting department. A truly bizarre film that blurs the lines between realism and surrealism, as one seems to transform into the other through the film’s progression. When a Doctor goes seeking a sexual adventure after his wife has admitted to dangerous flirtations, the film spirals into the unusual sexual underground of New York. The film climaxes at a cult orgy party, in which everyone is clad in extravagant masks and hooded robes. So when everyone else in a robe is pretending they’re a wizard, you’ll stand out as the sex fetishist swinger that might murder an outsider!

Joan Crawford – Mommie Dearest

You know, Joan Crawford, the decorated Hollywood actress of the Golden Age who was a horribly abusive mother to her daughter? For those who aren’t aware, Mommie Dearest is an adaptation of Christina Crawford’s autobiography in which she details her traumatic relationship with her adoptive mother, Joan Crawford. Faye Dunaway gives her all as the Hollywood legend and really you could just dress up as normal Joan Crawford. But that’s no fun. Your best, and really your only bet, is the silmutaneously hilarious, devastating and terrifying scene in which she flips out over wire hangers in the wardorbe while donning a face mask. Seriously, wire hangers. We wish we were making this up.

Anyone who is murdered by a Sentinel Sphere – Phantasm franchise

I saw all of the Phantasm films (minus the 5th film made this year to reboot the franchise) when I was about 10 while on holiday with my family – for some reason one of the channels had one on every night, and my brother, sister and I thought they were hilarious and absolutely ridiculous. Thing is, I’ve never seen them since. For a little while, I thought maybe they didn’t even exist and I somehow created a false memory because nobody else had seen or even heard of them. 

Luckily though, I don’t need to be institutionalised. I didn’t make up that there was a mausoleum with a creepy tall man and for some reason those who entered were attacked by flying steel spheres. The Tall Man is the obvious choice for a costume, but if you have some DIY skills, create one of the spheres, stick it to your head and add some blood. Take your pick of the victims of the spheres, because they do all kinds of fucked up crap; like drain the blood from your brain and spew it out the other side, and whatever the hell you can call the picture above.

You’re welcome. Now go freak some people out.